“WE NEED TREATS”

We had been at Planet Fitness for over an hour, but we had spent more than half of that time sitting and talking. At least Gorcoff looked like he wanted to work out. His curly hair was tied in a bun. His faded t shirt looked like it was about to rip the next time he flexed his pecks. His shorts were soft and loose-fitting, so when he ran his ding dong could flop around freely and heroically. His sneakers looked like they had run many miles and ready to run many more. He was dressed like someone ready to work out and get beefy. I, on the other hand, was not dressed appropriately for the gym.  I was wearing a Hawaiian shirt that barely covered my belly and I had forgotten my shorts so I was wearing Khakis. I was ready to get beefy too, but mainly in the boner region.

There was a college girl doing squats across the way. Gorcoff caught me staring at her and started laughing.

“ Wouldn't it be cool if there was a naked gym somewhere,” I said to my buddy. “I want to see that girl’s sweaty butt crack so badly.”

“Naked gym…that sounds like something they would have in Japan.”

“You think?”

“Sure, they love that crap. Tentacle porn, karaoke, it’s nothing but strange over there.”

He looked at the girls and sighed. “Look at that piece of leg. We should take a break. Lifting with that going on just isn’t safe.”

 We finished our work out early, due to extreme horniness.  “We need treats,” Gorcoff said. That was his way of saying he wanted ice cream. Ice cream helped subdue horniness. Both of us worried that our libidos would take over one day and that we would become deranged sex addicts. Ice cream helped keep us at bay. It was like our Suboxone, or Methadone.

I drove us to our favorite ice cream stand. While we were eating I started daydreaming hard. “Sometimes I get so horny I can’t stand it,” I said.

“I hear ya bro. Having this sex drive is a blessing and a curse.”

“Today I was actually considering dressing up as a woman so I could sneak into the ladies locker room.”

Gorcoff laughed. “Grimbol, you have the heart of an 80’s movie.”

I noticed a lady across the street that made me so horny I wanted to break out in song and dance. “Look at her,” I said to Gorcoff.

“Jesus, that is one fine piece of leg,” he said.

The woman walked up to a minivan.”

“She drives a minivan, just like me,” I said.

“Maybe you two are soul mates,” he said.

The woman opened the front door just as a bicyclist was passing by. The bicyclist hit the door and flipped over the thing, landing on the concrete. Everyone at the ice cream stand gasped. We watched as the man got up and started pacing. The woman tried to comfort him, but it did no good. He was too freaked out. The bike was also a mess. It’s front tire was mangled. I was surprised the guy wasn’t more messed up.

“You see,” Gorcoff said. “This is why I don’t like riding bikes. It’s fucking dangerous.”